Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

There are pros and cons that come with being the only girl in a group of guy friends. Sure, I am subject to cruel musings about sexually explicit acts I wish never entered my brain, but it can't be all bad, right?

I have my two groups: my west coast boys and my east coast boys.

The New Yorkers feel much more like a fraternity - a vulgar, boisterous and inappropriate group of shenanigans who's vile speech about the opposite sex never ceases to amaze me. They bring out the disgusting competitive side of me that only beer chugging contests can fully unmask, and help me prove to myself that I in fact CAN drink more than my body weight, and swimmingly survive the next day. These "men" taught me that quantity of sexual partners is much more important than quality, and that playing darts and shooting pool are the most vital life lessons one can ever learn. It's okay to party during the day, and it's okay to judge people only on their appearance, especially if it's funny...right?

But as well as I could survive in a frat house after my year in NYC, those boys also taught me that having fun is generally all that matters. Work is important, but it's not everything, and being able to shotgun a beer faster than your quickest chugging buddy is more of an accomplishment to be proud of than anyone might realize at first. And there really is something to be said for a girl who can party with the big boys, and love them for who they are and want to be. Most importantly, I have no doubt in my mind that any one of them would run to my rescue if I ever needed it. And bring an extra beer with them to lessen the pain.

And then there's the California coasters.

A less intimidating but equally vulgar crew of delinquents. Only there's much more comedy in the torment that ensues when I hang out with these folks - probably an equal amount of seriousness in their jabs at my sanity, but nonetheless more laughs. These ones remind me that I'm NOT feminine or anything like it (like I really need to be reminded of that...), and that I've become less intelligent since my return from the Big Apple. Good to know. I also become a different animal in their presence, and lose all regard for political correctness and social filtering to separate the inappropriate from the wildly inappropriate. They also possess a certain bitter disregard for proper behavior in social situations that I've come to cherish more than anything, and a constant reminder that I'm more of a man than I am a woman. I never feel more beautiful than when I'm surrounded by these purveyors of compliments and self-affirming remarks.

But while I'm beseiged by sarcastic commentary the entire time I'm with them, I also know that each of these guys would beat the shit out of someone if they tried to hurt me - even if their muscles are barely large enough to do so. In fact I might have to help. But they'd do it. I also know that they all care about me more than they'd ever admit out loud - and I'd never say it either - and that we have an understanding that good-humored insults are always okay. In fact they're the very things that make us close.

Frankly, I like being the only girl. I like knowing the potential that each of the guys has even if they don't quite know it yet, and knowing that they can do better - better girlfriends, better jobs, just better. I'm okay with it when they think I can do better too, even if it's sometimes hard to swallow. But mostly I love knowing that these guys have great hearts and deserve great things, and I'm anxious for the moments I can watch them grow up, and the moments they can do the same for me.

But for now, no growing up is in order. I'm fine with being the girl who looks up at her boys with hope. And then kicks their asses at a shotgun standoff.